Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
