someone threw a dead crab at me
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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