Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He did a backflip because drugs
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