physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
