Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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