i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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