butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I think I died a long time ago.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
