Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
