Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
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I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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