Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
