Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
