I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
