Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
