Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
this just has baby written all over it
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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