I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
