I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
