Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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