Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
