I wish my penis had an off switch
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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