rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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