woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
These tits shall not be calmed
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
