There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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