where am i from again
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
