My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize