i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
