he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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