So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
