While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
