No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
