After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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