Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
