Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
