you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
