woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
