goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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