we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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