Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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