Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
