I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
