this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
