my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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