Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
