i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
