Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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