that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
