R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
