I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Randomize
