Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
