so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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