I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
