I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
