screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
