Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
