I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
