The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize