Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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