Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
