I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
