where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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