i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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