I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
