you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
