can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
