I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
