I got chris browned last night
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
