I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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