Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
