When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
