so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
