your room smells of hookers.
And success
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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