: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
