HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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