After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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